Tonight as I was reflecting back on my week. and trying to figure out why this week has been so difficult on so many levels, I realized that it has been a week of emotional battles.
The First Place 4 Health program is a program based on balance in our lives. It deals with the Physical, Spiritual, Mental and Emotional. well... this week God decided it was time to start messing with the emotional stuff. Not fair is what my mind wants to scream... I want to keep working on the physical... And I thought that one was hard.... sheeze...
For those of you who have heard my testimony you know that about 3 & 1/2 years ago I had the most amazing encounter with Jesus. (outside of being saved of course!) For those of you who do not know my testimony please ask me, I would love to share how Jesus started the process to transform my life! One of the things that came from that time with Jesus was an understanding of the wounds in my past that I had allowed to imprison me in my present. I freely admit that my weight was a way for me to hide, to protect myself from myself and from others. The truth is that in this world most severely overweight people are invisible. I knew that and had unconsciously allowed my weight to spiral out of control effectively hiding me from even my friends and family. However, due to several different happenings in my life over the past three years, God has been working on me and in circumstances to bring me to tonight... To a realization that I harbor such fear of being seen and being heard that this week has sent me into a tailspin. You see I had reached the 40 pounds lost mark, I had to clean out my closet because none of my clothes fit. I had to go shopping for new clothes. people noticed, people made wonderful comments, all to encourage me in all that is happening. Instead they scared me to death. I wanted to go run and hide somewhere. I realize there are still many broken places inside of me. I spent about an hour tonight in tears asking God to start healing and mending the broken places. (well ok, He has already started but I needed to give Him permission to continue.) The truth is I no longer want to hide away in my brokenness. I need to be whole again. I need to connect with others in ways I have not in many many many years. I admit it is very scary. I know that when you open yourself up you run the risk of being hurt... oh yes, I know that very well. However, I need to do this to continue to become the women God wants me to be. I need to be willing to risk the hurt to have the opportunity to be whole.
So many changes so fast and furiously in my life... my head continues to spin. I really believe that God is afraid to allow me to slow down for fear I will catch my breath and run in the other direction... Lol... The truth is, most of the time I am beginning to enjoy very much the wonderful journey God has me on. this part however is very scary and I need your prayers probably more than I ever have before.
Just to share with you how AWESOME our God is though... when I came into my office to find a new box of tissues I found laying on my desk a small book called His Princess (love letters from your King) I picked it up and opened it randomly to a page and this is what I read...
Matthew 28:20 "and be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the End of the Age"
My Princess... You're never alone. You never need to hold on to anyone out of fear of being alone, My precious princess. I am with you wherever you are. I am the friend who walks in when the world walks out. I created you to have strong relationships, My love, and I see your desire to be close to someone. If you will seek Me first and come to Me with your wants and needs, I will choose your friends for you. I also will bless those friendships abundantly. Don't settle for less than My best just to fill your schedule with People to see and places to go. I want to reach you with the reality of My presence in you first., and then you will be ready for real relationships that are orchestrated by Me. Love your King and your Best Friend
How amazingly awesome is that... wow...
Blessings to you all,
Kathy
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