Today is one of those days where my first instincts tell me that I want to stop time. or at least slow it down... to a super slow pace... tomorrow my son Shawn will be moving almost a thousand miles away to Washington DC. it is a wonderful move... it is a wonderful opportunity for him, and will be a good positive start to his life as an adult. However, my mommy heart is heavy and I am finding it hard to breath today. I did not expect this. I truly did not... I guess in some ways I do not feel like my job of mothering him is complete there seems to be so much I wanted to teach him and did not for a multitude of reasons have the opportunity or did not take the opportunity to teach him. Things I want to say and have not said...
I have shared this with a few close friends and they have all told me pretty much the same things... then today when doing my devotions I poured out my heart to God... then pulled off my desk a devotional that I had been follwoing each day this year, yet over the past several weeks had left it to collect dust... when I opened it up this morning the book mark was on July 17th... I turned to todays devotional of August 23rd and this is what I read...
ENTRUST YOUR LOVED ONES TO ME;
Release them into My protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands. If you let a loved one become and idol in your heart, you endanger that one--as well s yourself. Remember the extreme measures I used with Abraham and Isaac. I took Isaac to the very point of death to free Abraham from son-worship Both Abraham and Isaac suffered terribly because of the father's undisciplined emotions. I detest idolatry, even in the form of parental love.
When you release loved ones to me, you are free to cling to My hand, as you entrust others into My care, I am free to shower blessings on them. My presence will go with them wherever they go , and i will give them rest. This same Presence stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me. Watch to see what I will do.
OUCH!! talk about hitting the mark and stepping on toes...
So my question to myself is this... had I placed him in a place of worship??? I don't think so, I think what I had placed there was my need to be the perfect parent... it was my skills that I am questioning... I had a very wise friend tell me that about a week or so ago... not in those exact words but to the tune of "anything left undone was not my responsibility to do... it may need to be others that teach those lessons... there are just some things a mother cannot teach. " So I am gonna spend some time on my knees releasing him into His Heavenly Fathers care one more time.... and I will ask Him to release me of this need to get it all right. perfectionism is a nasty jailer... Thankfully Jesus my Lord and Saviour came to set the captives free!!! Thank you!!!
well my friends, Thank you for holding me up in prayer as I walk through the next phase of my journey... it seems there is still some stinkin thinkin goin on that needs to be cleaned up!
Blessings to you all
Monday, August 23, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
checking our motives...
During my walk this morning I found I needed to spend some time checking my motives. Last night as I was spending time in the word after an emotional day and some even more heart touching conversation with a friend I found myself in the word of God at 1 Peter 1:14-16 "As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct. Since it is written, you shall be holy for I am holy."
I started my walk having a conversation in my head with this friend I was talking to last night. You know the kind of conversation I am talking about... the one you want to have but probably never will. The one where you share ALL your thoughts not just the ones you feel might be acceptable and not step over the line. The conversation you wish you could have but are afraid to... I thought about what might happen if I really was bold and courageous enough to have that conversation with this friend, Then I did what I should have done at the beginning of my walk... I prayed about it. I asked my Heavenly Father to show me if this conversation was appropriate and found myself thinking about my motives. What was I hoping to accomplish with the conversation? What was my hoped for outcome If I was to have the conversation? I realized in that moment something that King Solomon talked about in Ecclesiastes 3:7 "there is a time to keep silent and a time to speak". the one with wisdom knows the difference. and I believe there are some things better left unsaid for the duration. Especially when the motivation to speak the thoughts is not as it should be. Once again checking my motives I began to understand why I wanted to have the conversation that was rattling around in my head.
I was reminded of a devotional I was reading the night before from Frances J. Roberts "Come Away My Beloved" titled Conviction and Forgiveness. This devotional is written from the perspective of God speaking to us. The part of the devotional that convicted me was where he tells us "You are indulgent when I have called you to rigid discipline. You speak soft words when I would require you to speak the truth. You interfere with the convicting work of My Holy Spirit when you smooth over confession. I am not a severe God, unmindful of the frailties of human nature; but I am a God of divine love and holiness, and I desire your fellowship, and I long for you to know My joy" Man cannot forgive sin. Why do you then excuse either yourself or your brother? Before Me you stand or fall. Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another that you may be perfected. Rebuke, warn, and exhort each other with all long-suffering and patience, Love and forgive each other, but do not lighten conviction. My love and holiness are beyond your comprehension, I do not love you because you are sinless (how then could I love any?), but I am able to receive you into My fellowship and bring you close to My heart on the merits of the shed blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. Here rests your hope of cleansing and acceptance."
In the remembering of this devotional, I was convicted that the thoughts and the "conversation" was in no way meant to edify or exhort the other. It was a deception of the enemy trying to destroy the work God is doing in our lives. My motives in wanting to have the conversation were not holy or pure, and would not serve any good purpose. although they are honest and sincere thoughts and feelings this is truly a time to be silent.
I also need to take a long hard look at my motivation for things I am doing. Why am I doing the things I am doing... that may be tomorrow mornings conversation and walk/talk with my God... stay tuned...
blessings everyone,
I started my walk having a conversation in my head with this friend I was talking to last night. You know the kind of conversation I am talking about... the one you want to have but probably never will. The one where you share ALL your thoughts not just the ones you feel might be acceptable and not step over the line. The conversation you wish you could have but are afraid to... I thought about what might happen if I really was bold and courageous enough to have that conversation with this friend, Then I did what I should have done at the beginning of my walk... I prayed about it. I asked my Heavenly Father to show me if this conversation was appropriate and found myself thinking about my motives. What was I hoping to accomplish with the conversation? What was my hoped for outcome If I was to have the conversation? I realized in that moment something that King Solomon talked about in Ecclesiastes 3:7 "there is a time to keep silent and a time to speak". the one with wisdom knows the difference. and I believe there are some things better left unsaid for the duration. Especially when the motivation to speak the thoughts is not as it should be. Once again checking my motives I began to understand why I wanted to have the conversation that was rattling around in my head.
I was reminded of a devotional I was reading the night before from Frances J. Roberts "Come Away My Beloved" titled Conviction and Forgiveness. This devotional is written from the perspective of God speaking to us. The part of the devotional that convicted me was where he tells us "You are indulgent when I have called you to rigid discipline. You speak soft words when I would require you to speak the truth. You interfere with the convicting work of My Holy Spirit when you smooth over confession. I am not a severe God, unmindful of the frailties of human nature; but I am a God of divine love and holiness, and I desire your fellowship, and I long for you to know My joy" Man cannot forgive sin. Why do you then excuse either yourself or your brother? Before Me you stand or fall. Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another that you may be perfected. Rebuke, warn, and exhort each other with all long-suffering and patience, Love and forgive each other, but do not lighten conviction. My love and holiness are beyond your comprehension, I do not love you because you are sinless (how then could I love any?), but I am able to receive you into My fellowship and bring you close to My heart on the merits of the shed blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. Here rests your hope of cleansing and acceptance."
In the remembering of this devotional, I was convicted that the thoughts and the "conversation" was in no way meant to edify or exhort the other. It was a deception of the enemy trying to destroy the work God is doing in our lives. My motives in wanting to have the conversation were not holy or pure, and would not serve any good purpose. although they are honest and sincere thoughts and feelings this is truly a time to be silent.
I also need to take a long hard look at my motivation for things I am doing. Why am I doing the things I am doing... that may be tomorrow mornings conversation and walk/talk with my God... stay tuned...
blessings everyone,
Monday, August 2, 2010
An amazing thought!
Tonight, I have been re-looking at some of my old posts... I find it amazing how after almost two years from when I first posted this I am still amazed and impacted by the truth of this statement when reading it... Please take the time to read this and think about what it is saying...
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
~ Marianne Williamson
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
~ Marianne Williamson
Sunday, August 1, 2010
purification is a process... a not so pleasant one at that!
Since we have these promises let us purify ourselves from everything the contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. 2 Corinthians 7:1NIV
I just finished a long walk in the hot and humid early morning hours. It is August in Central Florida and that means steamy hot and sticky conditions, all day and night long. There seems to be little break from the condition that is almost like a physical weight that makes us just drag. Some days it almost feels like you are drowning outside. today is one of those days. As the sweat pours off me during my walk I am reminded of high school health class where they talked about how the glands in our bodies are performing a purification process when we sweat like that. It is flushing out the toxins from our cells through the skin. This is a healthy function of a well hydrated body doing exactly what God designed it to do. (even if I do not find it overly enjoyable or pleasurable) However when it comes to purification of the spirit it can also sometimes be an unpleasant experience. One where the Holy Spirit pushes out some of the things in our hearts and mind that are contaminating our souls.
Just as our physical bodies instinctively knows the things it is pushing out through the skin is unhealthy for our bodies and thus must rid us of those things, so also does the spirit know the things in our hearts and minds that are unhealthy for our souls and pushes them out. If we stay well watered in the word of God we desire to show reverence to Him. We allow our Spirit to release the things in our hearts and minds that contaminate the spirit just as the well watered body is willing to release the things that contaminate our physical selves.
For me my walks, no matter what the time of year or conditions, serve both purposes. I find that walking not only allows my body to flush out some of the toxins it also allows my soul the right conditions to do the same as I pour out my heart to my God. It allow the Spirit the ability to let go of some of the junk that is contaminating it. Some of the "junk" is not all bad... or at least it does not appear to be. Just like the food that taste so good, The things in my heart and mind that need to be purified are sometimes seemingly good things.
I was reminded this morning that the enemy is very very deceptive. I forget that sometimes. I forget that although something looks good and smells good and even taste good it is not necessarily good for me. My journey to health has taught me that about food... why am I surprised that it is the same in other areas of my life? I am also discovering that taking a break from some of the truly good things in life can lead to unhealthy desires as well as a desire for the good stuff. stay with me now... what I am trying to point out is the incredible connection between the physical and spiritual. for example any semi-mature Christian knows that restricting the daily disciplines of prayer, quiet time with God and time in His word can be necessary if we have allowed that to become all consuming... we are called to be salt and light in our world and if we never go out in the world we are so far off balance we need to stop and pull back some portion of our time from these things to regain the balance necessary in our spiritual life. However, this can lead to a very slippery slope if taken too far or for too long. Once away from the Christian walk. You start not spending as much time with other believers and become so busy with things and activities outside of the Christian life that you pretty soon you find yourself entertaining thoughts and ideas you never would have if you were staying faithful to the things you have let slide out of your life. In the same way when I have for a season allowed myself to restrict from my life carbs, including good foods like fruit and whole grains so that I could bring my body back into balance, (Something, I desperately needed to do) It was a necessary part of getting healthy. However, I am now finding after almost 6 months of time away I am begin to crave the good things... as well as the bad. yesterday I found myself in the frozen food section with tubs of ice cream in my hands. I was wise enough to read the labels and I did leave each one there. However, I struggled with it. I then found myself back in the fresh produce isles of the store and holding cherries and plums and nectarines in my hands... all good things yet still restricted items on my program. I left them there as well... sigh...
I am now in a place mentally where I am re-evaluating.... I honestly have met my initial goals. If we go back to the early post in this blog my one true goal was to be healthy. I am!!! Praise God, I truly am healthier than I have ever been as an adult, possibly ever in my life. Then when I set a weight goal, I set it at 175. I have met that goal as well... Although in my mind I have reset the goal to 150. I have to evaluate. Have I walked away from what is truly healthy for so long that I now am in a difficult place which has the potential to derail me? is this now a slippery slope that has the ability to quickly find me at the bottom of the pit? I am not sure... I honestly do not know. I do know that the connection between the physical and spiritual is very much connected to the mental and emotional as well. So today, will be a day of examining all those things. Looking for the weak link in the chain that connects me and keep me whole. It will also be a day of examining my spiritual armor that keeps me safe to make sure there is no chinks in it that could be allowing the enemy to penetrate my defenses and if so I will spend time repairing any damage I may find. I know that I know that I know My God is Omnipotent He has promised to supply wisdom to those who diligently seek it. Today I seek His wisdom... not that of men or of books or of life... but His wisdom that knows me better than I know myself... His wisdom that sees the ending before the beginning. His wisdom that truly nourishes me body, mind, heart and spirit.
Blessings to all of you! Thanks for reading and thanks for your prayers and encouragement! I know I would never have made it this far on my journey without you!
I just finished a long walk in the hot and humid early morning hours. It is August in Central Florida and that means steamy hot and sticky conditions, all day and night long. There seems to be little break from the condition that is almost like a physical weight that makes us just drag. Some days it almost feels like you are drowning outside. today is one of those days. As the sweat pours off me during my walk I am reminded of high school health class where they talked about how the glands in our bodies are performing a purification process when we sweat like that. It is flushing out the toxins from our cells through the skin. This is a healthy function of a well hydrated body doing exactly what God designed it to do. (even if I do not find it overly enjoyable or pleasurable) However when it comes to purification of the spirit it can also sometimes be an unpleasant experience. One where the Holy Spirit pushes out some of the things in our hearts and mind that are contaminating our souls.
Just as our physical bodies instinctively knows the things it is pushing out through the skin is unhealthy for our bodies and thus must rid us of those things, so also does the spirit know the things in our hearts and minds that are unhealthy for our souls and pushes them out. If we stay well watered in the word of God we desire to show reverence to Him. We allow our Spirit to release the things in our hearts and minds that contaminate the spirit just as the well watered body is willing to release the things that contaminate our physical selves.
For me my walks, no matter what the time of year or conditions, serve both purposes. I find that walking not only allows my body to flush out some of the toxins it also allows my soul the right conditions to do the same as I pour out my heart to my God. It allow the Spirit the ability to let go of some of the junk that is contaminating it. Some of the "junk" is not all bad... or at least it does not appear to be. Just like the food that taste so good, The things in my heart and mind that need to be purified are sometimes seemingly good things.
I was reminded this morning that the enemy is very very deceptive. I forget that sometimes. I forget that although something looks good and smells good and even taste good it is not necessarily good for me. My journey to health has taught me that about food... why am I surprised that it is the same in other areas of my life? I am also discovering that taking a break from some of the truly good things in life can lead to unhealthy desires as well as a desire for the good stuff. stay with me now... what I am trying to point out is the incredible connection between the physical and spiritual. for example any semi-mature Christian knows that restricting the daily disciplines of prayer, quiet time with God and time in His word can be necessary if we have allowed that to become all consuming... we are called to be salt and light in our world and if we never go out in the world we are so far off balance we need to stop and pull back some portion of our time from these things to regain the balance necessary in our spiritual life. However, this can lead to a very slippery slope if taken too far or for too long. Once away from the Christian walk. You start not spending as much time with other believers and become so busy with things and activities outside of the Christian life that you pretty soon you find yourself entertaining thoughts and ideas you never would have if you were staying faithful to the things you have let slide out of your life. In the same way when I have for a season allowed myself to restrict from my life carbs, including good foods like fruit and whole grains so that I could bring my body back into balance, (Something, I desperately needed to do) It was a necessary part of getting healthy. However, I am now finding after almost 6 months of time away I am begin to crave the good things... as well as the bad. yesterday I found myself in the frozen food section with tubs of ice cream in my hands. I was wise enough to read the labels and I did leave each one there. However, I struggled with it. I then found myself back in the fresh produce isles of the store and holding cherries and plums and nectarines in my hands... all good things yet still restricted items on my program. I left them there as well... sigh...
I am now in a place mentally where I am re-evaluating.... I honestly have met my initial goals. If we go back to the early post in this blog my one true goal was to be healthy. I am!!! Praise God, I truly am healthier than I have ever been as an adult, possibly ever in my life. Then when I set a weight goal, I set it at 175. I have met that goal as well... Although in my mind I have reset the goal to 150. I have to evaluate. Have I walked away from what is truly healthy for so long that I now am in a difficult place which has the potential to derail me? is this now a slippery slope that has the ability to quickly find me at the bottom of the pit? I am not sure... I honestly do not know. I do know that the connection between the physical and spiritual is very much connected to the mental and emotional as well. So today, will be a day of examining all those things. Looking for the weak link in the chain that connects me and keep me whole. It will also be a day of examining my spiritual armor that keeps me safe to make sure there is no chinks in it that could be allowing the enemy to penetrate my defenses and if so I will spend time repairing any damage I may find. I know that I know that I know My God is Omnipotent He has promised to supply wisdom to those who diligently seek it. Today I seek His wisdom... not that of men or of books or of life... but His wisdom that knows me better than I know myself... His wisdom that sees the ending before the beginning. His wisdom that truly nourishes me body, mind, heart and spirit.
Blessings to all of you! Thanks for reading and thanks for your prayers and encouragement! I know I would never have made it this far on my journey without you!
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