milestones

True milestones in life are typically few and far between. yet there are some that most everyone experiences. Such a time is getting ready to occur in my life... and in the life of my youngest child. Who by the way is not much of a child anymore... Shawn will finish his last day of High School this week on Thursday. Friday will start a new phase in his life and consequently in mine.

I remember my mom telling the story of my Grandmother who had 11 children... my mom being the youngest... that the most difficult day of her life was the morning school started the year after my mom graduated from High School. as a huge part of her life was not over. no longer did she have children to get up and get off to school. Now in all fairness, I have not had to get Shawn up and out the door for school much in the past few years. He was a home school student for several years and the past year he has been living with his father... and only stayed at my house a few times on school days. However, it is still a change of thinking about him and myself.

I find myself having mixed emotions. I am very proud of him and his accomplishments. I am also a bit sad that I no longer have "children to mother" and I am excited about the choices he now has and that I now have. life will be changing in some major ways for both of us... I remember when each of my children had a birthday, they received new privileges as well as new responsibilities. so also with this milestone will he find he has more privileges as well as more responsibilities. not because I grant them, however, still there they are.

I however really like the change in my life... because for me there are now more opportunities yet less responsibilities.... kind of a mind altering thought. I have not yet processed all that means, in fact am waiting to try to process it... instead I am going to just sit and savor that thought. in fact I may need to pray about a way to celebrate that.... pretty cool milestone!

long overdue update

I cannot believe that it has been five months since I have done any blogging... I have so much to share and the only excuse I can give you is that God has kicked my life into overdrive and transformation is happing at the speed of light these days!
so lets start at the beginning of the year since the last posting was my 2009 year in review...

January was a full month... with the wind down from the holidays I hit the ground running with preparations for Bonnie's wedding. I was her maid of honor so dress fittings, decorations etc... I also was working with my new Church Heart Cry in preparations for a Ladies Conference and preparing for a ladies conference coming up soon in Jacksonville. All went well.. crazy but good for most of the month. January 23rd the day of the wedding everything at the wedding was wonderful, I left Lakeland on my way that same day to Zephyrhills to celebrate my Aunts 7th birthday when on the way there I was in a very bad car accident. at the time was able to walk away... the car limped away but both left the scene of the accident. which in itself was a miracle. after an MRI and a couple of trips to two different Dr's offices it became evident that I was a mess physically. my BP was off the charts and my weight had doubled up on me and I had gained back 25 of the pounds i worked so hard to get off. I had 5 herniated disc in my back and neck and two bulging discs. As Dr. Keener told me my health had been compromised big time. I was heartborken as I had worked so hard to try to get healthy... now I could not go workout in the gym even if i needed to. I went back on one of my BP meds and was at a loss. Dr. Keener shared with me a new program he was testing out for himself. As he had also just recently gained a bunch of weight during his wife's recent pregnancy. I started the program on February 5th.

on February 17th I made a trip to Jacksonville where my wonderful friend and co-LIfe Purpose Coach Charlyn blessed me with a two day image consultation! we did my color profile, my style guide, I had my hair cut and eyebrows waxed all on one day. then on the second day we went shopping!! lots of new clothes!!! it was soooooo much fun to spend time with this wonderful lady and to come away with a new appreciation for who God made me to be!!!

Ladies conferences in Kissimmee and Jacksonville were both a wonderful success!

And this diet program is phenomenal!!!! I have now been on it for 11 weeks and have lost 53 pounds!!!

Since that time Dr. Keener's mom has moved down from Ga and is running his Lake Mary office, I helped him locate and set up an office in Kissimmee and he is now looking at possibly opening an office in Melbourne.

lots of plans and wonderful things God is doing so i promise to be much better about keeping you up to speed.

blessings, my friends!

2009 in Review

As 2009 draws to a close I have spent time over the past several weeks taking what I hope is an honest look back over the past year. It has been a year of major changes. I went back to my post from January and then even some from 2008 and as I read back over these posts I also realized it was a year of extremes, extreme changes to be exact. As a result my mind and my body and my emotions and even my spiritual life are all under extreme stress and as a result I am floundering....

I really do not like this feeling of being so unsettled, of being uncertain. The biggest reason I don't like it is that it has resulted in me being or feeling like I am stagnant and without passion. I feel like a spectator not a participant in life. I recognize there are a lot of lies the enemy is chasing through my head right now. Lots of old tapes that keep playing untruths. I also see that I am involved intimately day by day and min by min in ministry. It has become such a part of my life that it is just normal life for me. I also acknowledge that there is more truth in my head then lies. So why do I even acknowledge the lies. Why do I even give them consideration? Someone told me last week that it is totally possible that God is honoring my cry for total transformation in my life. and that all of this may be the result of that... God truly making me into someone completely different than who I now am... Maybe into the person He created me to be? If nothing else I do know this.... God is faithful and will complete the work He is doing in us!

I challenge each of you to take some time to truly examine where you have been the past year and pray about where and who and what God would have for you in 2010.

Blessings my friends,

Zachariah

This morning as I sat down to do my devotions, after an amazing walk in the "cool" of the early morning spent worshiping my God, and watching the sun rise, I found myself laughing out loud. My devotion this morning is about Zachariah. Nine months ago when I was preparing for a Ladies Conference I had prepared a presentation all about Zachariah, however, God must not have been impressed since He did not have me actually deliver the presentation. Well maybe it just wasn't time for me to learn the lessons God wanted me to learn about Zachariah.... stay with me folks... the title of my devotion this week is "Our Power Supply" When I read the introduction and the beginning of my daily devotional I immediately understood God's prompting all those months ago to go to Zachariah for inspiration.

Zachariah was one of God's prophets; a man called to bring God's word to God's people. History tells us that Zachariah's prophecies began two months after Haggai's first message- a message that urged God's people to quit ignoring the shabby condition of God's house and begin to rebuild the Temple, as He desired. God sent Zachariah to encourage and strengthen the people who had just begun rebuilding the Lord's house in obedience to God's world through Haggai.

Our Gracious God wanted His people to remain faithful and establish a close relationship with their Lord rather than merely working on a remodeling project. God wanted to use the rebuilding of the Temple as an opportunity to rebuild the faith and trust of the people who had ignored the Lord;s voice for way too long. God knew that the physical condition of the Temple was indicative of a much deeper problem. In the same way, the Lord calls us to enter into a close relationship with Him, even as we restore the body that years of not taking care of ourselves has torn down. Just as God used the prophet Zachariah to remind His people that they needed Him, He uses programs such as First Place 4 Health to remind us that a love relationship with Him is our first priority.

I am learning that when I put God in the proper place in my life "First Place" then He gives me the power to accomplish the things He wants me to accomplish in my life... including.... are you ready.... becoming truly HEALTHY in all areas of my life, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual and PHYSICAL. In fact God is probably more concerned with the Mental, Emotional and Spiritual than He is with the Physical... since the physical is only temporary.... hmmmmmmm more food for thought.

Blessings everyone!

Romans 12:1 - A living sacrifice

Let's be honest does that even sound like something to get excited about? A living sacrifice??? No I didn't think so either. In the 29 years of being a Christian I have never been partial to this verse... It doe's not fit into my picture of living the American dream. What we want is a life of ease, not sacrifice. A life of plenty, not sacrifice, A life of excess actually if we are honest, not anything remotely like sacrifice. No matter how you view the word sacrifice, no matter which definition you choose it is not necessarily something I was comfortable with in my life.

This morning this verse was a part of my devotions. I stumbled over it... even reading it caused me to stutter. I however decided I needed to pray about it and meditate on it to get a better understanding of it in relationship to my First Place 4 Health program. (that is the devotional I was working on at the time) I decided it was time to "face the music" so to speak. So on went my walking shoes and out the door I went to "Walk with God" and listen to Him a bit.

here is the results of that time...

I asked God to help reveal to me what the truth was in this verse I needed to figure out and apply to my life. He brought to mind that for far too many years, after reading this verse for the first time, All I could focus on when reading it was the "Holy and acceptable to God" part of the verse. I knew I was not holy and could not figure our a way to be holy. So I knew I would never be acceptable. So I felt helpless... As the years past I knew that presenting my body as a living sacrifice meant I needed to do a bit of sacrificing... sacrificing on the portions sizes and sacrificing on my time spent "relaxing" and get moving... yet, since no matter what, I could not figure out how to be holy... well what was the point, so I would "skip" over this verse each time I read Romans. Which I must admit was not often. I really liked to just skip over the whole book... honestly I got mad at Paul the first time I read Romans and "heard" Paul say... "I do not do the things I want to do instead I do the very things I hate" i thought if even this great man of God cannot do the right thing then what hope is there for me? So I just got frustrated whenever I would read Romans so... well... I just did not read it! How arrogant I was when I was younger... whew! unfortunately this thinking kinda stuck... I will confess I still just kind of "skim" though Romans. or pick out verses that I think apply to a specific situation. (must be time to do a complete study on Romans) Anyway, back on topic... I was walking and seeking answers from God and realized that this thinking from when I was younger about not being holy and then not wanting to "sacrifice" anything especially my favorite foods and my "comfort" led to the enemy telling me I was a failure, always would be a failure and I believed his lies... I have not consciously thought that in years, but this is part of the wrong thinking deeply embedded in my brain. Thinking that needs to be rooted out and tossed in the trash heap since it is trash! trash the enemy has filled my head with. Truth is... No I am not Holy, can never be holy in and by myself. It is only through Christ. it is His holiness that God sees when He looks at me. I will sin, I will make mistakes, I have a sin nature that will never go away until I pass over into eternity. However, I need to strive to allow God to continue to transform me each and every day. I need to understand I cannot do it! I cannot make myself holy, I cannot make myself acceptable to God in anyway other than to submit to Him. Surrender all of my life to Him. Surrender my wants and desires even my battles. I need to allow Him to fight them. Allow Him to give me the strength to get up and get moving each morning, allow Him to give me the strength and the ability to say no and mean it when offered something that is unhealthy for me. Allow Him to direct my path away from the chips or the ice cream or what ever isle in grocery store holds the most temptation for me this week. He can and He will. He also will provide for me healthy and flavorful and amazing treats that will strengthen me physically, emotionally and mentally while He builds me up in the spiritual. He will be faithful to fulfill ALL of His promises to me if I allow Him to. He will walk with me to help me get moving. He will be in the gym with me cheering me on. He will share truth with me and help me pull the lies out of my mind that are wrapping their roots deeply into my subconscious mind and making me feel so defeated. He will encourage me and build me up in His loves me and delights in healing the emotions that have been trampled on by so many. He and He alone can and will heal my broken places, help me to let go of my bad habits, and throw away the hangups that have immobilized me for so many years. I CANNOT DO IT!!!! only HE CAN!!!! I need to quit trying to do His job, and instead get out of His way giving Him permission to do the work necessary to make me healthy.

God is so AWESOME.... I will continue to bask in the repair work He is so faithfully doing in my life! I pray that you are allowing Him to do some in your life as well...

Blessings,

Defining and Refining our Vision

I love how God takes us through different seasons in life. I am beginning to appreciate how during different seasons of life how our dreams change, and things that were once very important are no longer so important and things we once thought insignificant become vitally important! I understand there are lessons learned, relationships built and concepts embraced. Then just as the winds begin to blow in a different direction things begin to shift. there are new questions, relationships change and concepts are refined. Solomon spoke of this in Ecclesiastics chapter 3 in his "time for everything" verses... you know the ones, For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest.... and so on. (if you are not familiar with them look them up and read them. Remember Solomon was the wisest man whom ever lived!)

well all that to say that I have been working on a vision board. I had heard of this concept many years ago, even did one or two in my teens. then had the concept reintroduced to me earlier this week and was inspired to work on one. Interestingly today while working on collecting some pictures to represent things in life I want to be a part of my life. I discovered something very interesting...

I was irresistibly and incredibly drawn to pictures of people and things outdoors. I started to notice all the photos I was tearing out of magazines were in outdoor settings. I started to think about this and pray for God to reveal to me what this was about... Because the truth is I an not a very outdoor kind of person. After some time in prayer, I realized that has not always been true. All of my earliest memories are of being outdoors. I remembered a conversation that must have taken place when I was in first grade between my parents in the family car while driving. We had just visited two different homes. My parents had decided to sell the farm and move into town. On the way back to the farm, Mom and Dad were discussing the merits of the each home trying to decided if one or the other would be the best for us. Dad turns and looks at me and with a big smile on his face says to mom... "I know which one Kathy would like. her eyes lit up and just sparkled with she seen the large back yard and the beautiful flower gardens at the one on such and such street. She was already to set up her play area right in the middle of the yard." What a sweet wonderful memory! I realize that it was moving to Florida several years after that, and trying to deal with the heat that made me an indoor hermit. I suddenly miss very much being outside!

I sure wish the weather would turn cooler so I could spend some time outside... I'm gonna have to give this some serious thought and spend some time in prayer about it.

I encourage you to tackle a vision board... not sure what one is google it!

Blessings my friends,

Do we really Believe?

This morning as part of my devotions I had one of those DUH moments! Understanding something in a conceptual way is one things, yet when all of a sudden we "Get it" and we can apply it to our lives... that is a DUH moment! This was one of those moments.

I was reading 2 Chronicles 20: 20 - 24 as part of my First Place 4 Health Bible Study. Here are those verses so you also can read them.

20 Early in the morning they left for the Desert of Tekoa. As they set out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, "Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem! Have faith in the LORD your God and you will be upheld; have faith in his prophets and you will be successful." 21 After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the LORD and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying:

"Give thanks to the LORD,
for his love endures forever."

22 As they began to sing and praise, the LORD set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated. 23 The men of Ammon and Moab rose up against the men from Mount Seir to destroy and annihilate them. After they finished slaughtering the men from Seir, they helped to destroy one another.

24 When the men of Judah came to the place that overlooks the desert and looked toward the vast army, they saw only dead bodies lying on the ground; no one had escaped."


So, the first thing I see here is that Because of the men going before the army singing praises to God, God is pleased and goes ahead of them and defeats their enemy before they ever arrive. I have to wonder since I know God is the same yesterday today and tomorrow. How many times God went ahead of me and defeated my enemies before I ever arrived in their presence and I never even knew it? and how if I had been singing praises to my God thanking Him for His loving kindness to me, praising Him for His faithfulness, How many battles could I have avoided?

The second truth that jumped up and smacked me in the head this morning was Sometimes the battle is not our but God's. How many times do I try fighting battles that God never intended for me to fight? How many times do I fret and fuss and worry about something, worrying about how I am going to accomplish something when it seems impossible. I play it over and over in my head. Let's go back t the verses above... in verse 20 Jehoshaphat tells them to "Have faith in the LORD your God and you will be upheld;" so if I truly had faith, If I truly believed in God's faithfulness to me I would not worry about it. I would not fret about it because I would know it would all be OK. Just like it was here for the army. because they had faith in God, because they went about their way praising God for His lovingkindness, God went before them and destroyed their enemies before they ever arrived. Now if you move on to verse 25 you will see not only did God fight the battle for them... He blessed them beyond measure!

So I ask you how many of us are missing out on blessings, overflowing blessings, because we fail to trust God and to Praise Him for His lovingkindness?

none of this is new information to me... But today I seen it in a very new way! Hopefully starting now and for all my tomorrows I will apply it in a whole new way!

Blessings,

Surrender sweet Surrender

Why is it that we fight so hard the sweet release we feel once we surrender? Why is it that we so very much fight to hang on to the things we know we need to surrender? especially when we have been down the trail to surrender and found it to be such a sweet sweet place and the joy of freedom we find on on the other side has no equal does it?

After my long battle with trying to maintain some small grasp of control of my life, last Sunday I finally gave in and surrendered it all to God. I went forward at church and requested prayer from the pastor regarding me getting actively involved in the ministry God would place me in at this church. Then made the phone calls I needed to make to be obedient to Gods direction to pull out of things I had no business being committed to. (good things, just not things God wants me to focus on right now) Then this afternoon I had a long conversation with the pastor at my new church. I shared my testimony with him and some of the highlights of the ministries I have been involved in over the past few years and some of the things God has done in my life. He was quite interested and wants to continue the conversation soon. I have told him to please be in prayer regarding where I might be able to serve the congregation. I told him I am there because I believe that is where God wants me to be and that I am wiling to serve where He believes I can best be of assistance to the church body.

I cannot begin to tell you what a wonderful sweet feeling it was to finally take that step and be willing to do whatever it is that God would have me do here at this church.

So again I ask why is it that we fight so hard letting go and surrendering to the will of God in our lives?

His will not mine...

I have never been so frustrated in my life, as I am today. At least not that I can remember. I am going to try to share where I am right now and how I am feeling. I apologize in advance for how real this is about to get... I just know that I have to put this into words so I can go back and read it until I get it...

I had been walking on a mountain top for several months. Then in a matter of a few days I came sliding down the side of that mountain into a very deep valley. I know that it is all part of God shaping me to be the women He wants me to be and part of that is simply learning to listen to Him and obeying Him. bowing gracefully to His will for my life and not mine. I have for the past two months now been heavily engaged in a battle for control of ALL of my life. Every single activity and minute. right here this morning I have been trying to complete an activity that should take just minutes. Yet every time I try to accomplish it, I can't, I forget how to do simple things that I know how to do. I cannot find the tools on the toolbar. I draw a blank when trying to think thought the simplest steps. The sad part of this frustration is this is something That I hear God telling me not to do, yet I keep trying to do. This is not the direction He wants me to go in. This is not an activity I should be doing. I don't really believe that the activity itself is such a big deal to God. It is my obedience. It is me learning to say no. It is me doing the things God wants me to do without being sidetracked by other "good" things. It is me being more concerned with what God thinks and not so much about what others think of me. it is me not being able to repay all that God has done for me. it is me understanding that God chooses to bless me and favor me not for what I will do in return to repay it, but allowing myself to be blessed. Not that there is anything "bad" in me helping others. we are supposed to help others. the issue here is my motive. Why I am doing these things. My motive is wrong. My thinking is wrong. I am doing these things because I want to please the people. I want to payback in some way the blessings they have been in my life. Pay back the hands that delivered to me the Gifts my Lord wanted to give me. It is me needing to understand that God has a plan for my life and I need to follow that plan. I need to learn to not get so bogged down with all the good things I am doing, that I am unable to give 100% to the thing or things He wants me to do.

It is, bottom line... me being obedient to God's calling on MY life, and becoming the women He wants ME to become.

I have two very dear friends that I have agreed to do things for. that I know I have to call and tell them I can not do the things I agreed to do. My heart hurts so much over this. I do not want to disappoint these women, who are both counting on me to do these things. both are things I want to do. but I also realize that my motives are not correct, nor is my reasoning for wanting to do them. I also know that I need to learn to stop and pray about things before agreeing to do them. I need to count the cost before agreeing to do things. and even simple things that I should be able to handle quickly and efficiently I need to do this for. Because lots of little small tasks have the ability to keep my focus off those things God would have me be involved in. I also know that God is not going to allow these two wonderful women to be left in the lurch. He will raise up others to do these things for them. I wish it could be me... I know that it is not. I also know my God is faithful to supply all our needs and He will supply the needs of these two women as well.

Another part of this, and another situation I find myself in, is I struggle with just accepting God's gifts and blessings. I find myself wanting to in some way repay those who are the hands of blessing in my life. I find that I cannot repay them, and so I feel guilty for accepting the blessings. All wrong thinking I know. I know that those who God is using to bless me would be upset if they knew how I was feeling. (so if you are one of those people in my life and you are reading this please don't be upset, instead pray that God truly heals me in this area of my life) That is truly what this is all about. this is just another part of God's faithfulness in my life to help me achieve health. remember this journey I am on is not just about physical health but also about spiritual, emotional and mental health. That's it!!!! This is all about spiritual, emotional and mental health!

Yes, I get it... I just need to really GET IT! and be able to APPLY IT!!! now that is where the rubber meets the road. Scripture tells us to confess our sins one to another. and so here it is... allow this to be my confession of how messed up my thinking is and how my messed up thinking has led me to sin by not counting the cost of things the way God has commanded us to. It has led me to sin by being more concerned with what others thought of me than being obedient to what God is asking me to do. I need to correct that today! I do not ever want to put others above God. Yet I have. I have been so concerned about what others might think, that I have not been obedient. I have to realize I cannot and should not attempt to repay anyone for what God is doing in my life by their words, deeds or hands. I need to Thank God for His provision and blessings and thank them for being Gods, hands, words and deeds in my life and leave it at that, unless God directs me otherwise.

Scripture also tells us to be a witness to others how God works in our lives. so here I show you how I have come to realize that this is all an exercise that God has orchestrated to show me His love and faithfulness and guidance and loving direction in my life. It is all a part of Him molding me and shaping me to become the women He would have me be. It is about me learning submission and surrender to His will not mine... Like the words of the Lincoln Brewster song... "I have given you my heart and all that is within me... I lay it all down, for the sake of you my King. I have given you my dreams, I'm laying down my lies, I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life, and I surrender, all to you... all to you... and I surrender, all to you... all to you!!!" Today I make this my prayer. one I will probably need to pray daily, maybe even hourly... I know that God knows my heart and God loves me and God forgives me. Even when I have days like this where I get frustrated and do not immediately get to where He would have me to be. I know that He is a gentle and patient Father who will love me in spite of it all. Our God is faithful, our God is all loving, all wise and truly does want the very best for us. He promised us that He came to give us life and life more abundant. He and He alone knows what that will be in our lives and He will bring it to pass, if we allow Him to!

Blessing to you all,

Perseverance

Perseverance is a word that has been hounding me for weeks... God does that sometimes to me, does He do that to you? When there is something He wants me to get, that word, thought, situation or process repeats itself over and over in my life! So it is with the word perseverance. the latest in a long string of incidents involving this is a conference call that was scheduled months ago. When the speaker was chosen and she chose her topic, just a week or so ago, she chose the topic of... yes, you guessed it, perseverance! Even more unusual at that point was another of the ladies who was going to be on the call when she heard the topic e-mailed back to everyone saying how much she needed that. I laughingly wrote back to everyone and said "you may need it but I know God intends for me to hear it!" This journey has been a long hard journey and I know that I have not been staying the course very well lately. Well the call did not happen the way we had hoped yet I am sure it is exactly how God intended. We did have a great call with just three of us sharing. The women who felt she needed the call, the presenter and I were the only ones on the call. It was a great time of sharing and praying! later in the day I received an e-mail from the presenter with some encouraging words and something in her e-mail got me thinking. I have been feeling a loss of passion in my life, feeling like maybe this was a time to slow down and reevaluate where I am in my spiritual life and my ministries. Maybe God was trying to prepare me for yet another part of my life to be in transition.I have been hearing “be still and know that I am God” and wondering if this is not a time of waiting in my life. God has been moving so fast and so furiously that many times I talked about my head spinning, because of the incredibly fast pace God was changing things in my life. I wondered, if this was not a much needed rest for my mind and body, to allow my heart to catch up with everything God is doing. However, after reading her e-mail I was reminded of how Satan tempted Jesus with scripture and even though Jesus was “hearing the word” it was not what God wanted for Him, so Jesus rebuked the enemy and all that he was tempting Him with. I agree that it is very tempting for me to slow down and take some time off to allow my heart and mind to catch up. Another dear friend, when we were talking a few weeks ago during my trip to NC, told me she was almost angry at what she was seeing and hearing from me. She believed it was the enemy trying to take back ground that God had already given to me…. At first I was shocked and completely resistant to the idea. Now I am not so sure. One thing I do know is that God is not the author of confusion. That would be the enemy. So since I am feeling very confused right now as to which way to allow my thoughts to flow I know that the enemy (even if this enemy is my own human nature) is at work in my life. I would ask for your prayers as I continue to struggle through all that is happening. I Know that my Lord is the victor in this battle. I know that He desires great and mighty things in my life. I also know that His greatest desire is for Him and I to have a relationship that is beyond description. I will choose to work on that for now and allow other things to naturally fall into place as I put Him in first place in my life. I know that there are good things He has prepared for me to do yet that is not His first desire for me. So I, like Mary of Bethany, will choose that which is better. I will choose for now to sit at His feet and listen to His voice. Want to join me?

Hmmmmm lots to think about and pray about.